Transformative leaders who make exciting, innovative things happen in their companies usually possess a higher sense of urgency than their colleagues. They have a bias for action over indecision that others admire. But to be successful over the long-term, these same great leaders also know when to suppress that sense of urgency. Their emotionally intelligent side tells them their best reaction sometimes is to sleep on it.
Especially when it comes to people-centric leadership skills and practices, effective bosses understand that knee-jerk reactions are seldom productive. Even worse than being ineffective, they can leave lingering scars that affect an employee’s sense of engagement, commitment, and drive to improve.
Philosophically, that may make perfect sense. But the challenge for leaders is that knee-jerk reactions are emotional, not rational. Smart bosses work to develop a heightened sense of awareness of their emotional triggers so that the rational side of their brain can engage before they react in ways they may later regret.
Following are three examples of times when emotionally intelligent leaders pause, even when their sense of urgency is telling them to do the opposite.
When an employee adamantly disagrees with your viewpoint, sleep on it.
Most agree with the philosophy that different opinions – even conflict – breed better ideas and solutions. Bosses who become “yes men” risk missing key insights because no one wants to speak up. But even leaders who pride themselves on being open and transparent can be susceptible to knee-jerk reactions when an employee’s opposing opinion is perceived as uninformed, unprofessional, or even insubordinate.
Smart bosses force a mental time-out when confronted with unexpected and opposing points of view that trigger an immediate, emotional response. This pause gives them time to consider potential positive aspects of the opposing opinion they may not have considered. And even if further consideration doesn’t change their point-of-view, it provides the opportunity to respond in a more deliberate and respectful manner.
When an employee disappoints you, sleep on it.
Even your star performers make mistakes sometimes. Smart bosses stop, consider all sides of what happened, then talk with the employee in a way that acknowledges the misstep and provides coaching for how to avoid a similar situation going forward.
Wise leaders also recognize that sometimes they can be hardest on their best employees. When an individual’s past performance has set the bar exceptionally high, it becomes tougher and tougher for them to clear that bar in every situation.
When an employee makes you really angry, sleep on it.
Sometimes, it’s not just what an employee does but rather their exaggerated emotional response to a situation that can trigger a similarly exaggerated emotional response from their boss. Smart leaders know that deescalating an emotionally charged encounter in-the-moment is always the best path. No, it wasn’t appropriate for the employee to respond in that way. But responding to bad behavior with bad behavior diminishes the opportunity to coach that employee to develop their own emotional intelligence, which is essential for their growth as a team member.
The best, most effective leaders learn when to lean into a situation … and when to step back. They also understand that their pause should be just that: a temporary, intentional pause. Sleeping on situations that trigger an inflated emotional response, then leaning in, helps bosses gain the respect and confidence of their entire team, not just the employee who provoked the reaction.